I didn’t intend to have my first blog post up until Monday. But the #kenyansontwitter paper, Barbra Jolie & Friends Paper.li got wind of my new blog while giving favaritos tweep, @matrixster, a sneak preview. The blonde in me has learned the hard way – ain’t no secrets on Twitter.
Moving on:
You found this blog and you’re probably thinking: Ok, what’s this woman going on about now? Spinsterhood it is.
A spinster is nothing short of a woman who isn’t married. That’s the simple definition. In other circles a spinster is described as a woman who has passed legal marriage age. But, I have reservations with that definition, especially when you look at it in the African context. I mean, what the hell is legal marriage age in Africa, modernity notwithstanding? In some cultures where they still practice female genital mutilation, a girl can be married off at the tender age of 10. A few kilometres into the city, another woman ties the knot at age 60. Such is life, but for the sake of this blog and for future reference, let us stick to the former description of a Spinster.
So what makes Spinsters so special that they deserve another blog?
It’s simple really: We are a very unique minority of African women who aren’t trying to get hitched. Now that’s rare especially when:-
- Society expects us to get married and if we don’t we are perceived to have a problem. By the way, if you’re planning to be a spinster, please note that you’ll be stigmatized for a very long time, and there are no campaigns in your defense as there are for people living with HIV. Thought you should know.
- African women are socialized to do nothing for the rest of their lives other than cook, clean, open wide for their husbands and bear as many children as they can.
- Majority of African women believe that there is nothing more fulfilling than a ring, a big wedding, a different surname and a couple of minions tugging at their skirts. That, to them, is the epitome of womanhood.
- Majority of men out there think all women want them to pop the question or at least expound and illustrate with clear diagrams, where the relationship is headed. Not us!
Anyway, I could come up with a number of reasons but I’ll do that as this blog grows, post after post. However, because a smart chap said one way of describing something is by saying what it’s not, let me tell you what the ideal spinster is not, using myself as an example:
- Spinster don’t hate men
- Spinsters are not mad, black women with a diary
- Spinsters are not lesbians
- Spinsters are not nuns
- Spinsters are not old men
- Spinsters are not necessarily independent, successful women.., or bitches (don’t ask)
- Spinsters are not women waiting for Mr.Right to come along
- Spinsters are not out to steal anyone’s husband
- Spinsters are not sex deprived
- Spinsters are not addicted to sex toys
- Spinsters are not confused women who don’t know what they want
Spinsters are just normal women, going about their lives with not a worry in the world whether they will wear a flowing white dress or whether or not they will die alone. There’s no such thing as dying with someone by the way. We all die alone, regardless.
I guess that’s it for today’s lesson. Kindly bear with me as I try to get more posts up. Meanwhile familiarize yourself with the About and Disclaimer pages.
Oh, wait. There’s another definition of Spinster: A woman that spins thread for a living. What comes to mind when you think of the name Nittzsah?
Godspeed SS. With all the narrow-minded, conservative lot of Africans out there, your body of work is bound to do more than ruffle a few feathers!
According to your definition of what a spinster is *not*, I fail on several counts. But then again, I’m too undecided to fit into one camp or the other. I like to hang out on the ‘time will tell’ fence. Still, this should be interesting, so keep writing, and I’ll be watching this space
You won’t be disappointed, whatever camp you belong.
*Rolls eyes* Whatever you say!
#GOOD READ!!!!!
I think being in a fulfilling soloship is so much better than being in a depressing relationship…..well all in all personal fulfillment is key!
Hmm…. didn’t see this untill I searched my name! Interesting. Well, at least you said the list is of what an ‘ideal’ spinster is not. Because, I’d have said most spinsters are….. etc.
