Move over! Make way! Push somebody!
Unwrap that head dress and lay your kangas on the ground!
The hour cometh and so does the man, from the West of Africa, riding on an airliner.
Put on a fresh weave Kenyan women! For that rare opportunity to hear from the marriage messiah. As you bow down in worship, you might just get a chance to clean his feet with your fake hair and the sweat of your brow.
For public demand is a formidable force.
It doesn’t just get you reruns of your favorite soap on Citizen TV, it also makes Pastor Chris Ojigbani an annual feature.
And though his last prophecy of five men did not even give you a midget, it wasn’t his fault. You just didn’t believe as hard as you should have. But this time round, you’re willing to believe with all you’ve got.
Cleanse yourself woman! That the good pastor may find you absolved of all sin. Whether you went to a witch doctor or continue to have pre-marital sex, or you’ve been too much of a chips funga and a mpango wa kando. The messiah must find you ready – single and searching.
Oh ye of little esteem and much self pity! This is your day of salvation! All your single-hood suffering ends on the 17th. It won’t be long before the man of your dreams takes you under his roof and rides with you into your fast approaching sunset years.
From his pulpit in Nigeria, Pastor Ojigbani has seen your tears roll down your pillow as you lie in your cold bed. He’s heard your ceaseless nkts! And observed with concern, the big potato that forms in your throat every time one of your girlfriends introduces you to their fiance.
No woman, no cry!
Hurry you broken heart, tired heeled feet, cursed misconceptions and multi-coloured face to the marriage conference. Hope awaits you there. Find your purpose for living , because indeed, nothing can give you more happiness and a reason for living than a husband.
Ignore those women complaining on Classic 105. It’s true. They don’t know how to treat their husbands. If you were just given their men, you’d do better. He’d be faithful to you. He’d come home early. He’d make love to you like he’d play a Spanish Guitar.
Those bad women, they don’t know to treat a man. But you do. All that’s missing is the man. And Ojigbani will tell you how to get one coz you already know how to keep him.
For a more direct script of what I’m trying to say, kindly read here what my boy and fellow blogger wrote last year.
And if that still doesn’t help you, then only three things can: A rope, a cliff or a balcony.