DISCLAIMER: This is a mushy post. Okay, you’ve been warned :’(
I’m yet to openly declare to my family that I have no intention of getting married. One of my brothers (the closest of my siblings) is aware of my stand while the rest don’t really care. We’ve been brought up to respect each other’s space – something that works perfectly for all of my siblings. My parents are in the dark about my intentions. However, a while back my mom sensed what I was up to (coz moms are smart like that), prompting her to forge an intervention that has not borne fruit two years on.
The guy who’s acting all blasé about the matter is my dad. Dude cannot be read. He gangster like that. He doesn’t ask, so we don’t talk about it. Also, we’ve never really been that close. But that’s not to say he and I don’t talk (about the weather).., and occasionally share a beer.
But as I grow older, I can’t help but wonder if the aging man would like a son-in-law. Being the only girl in my family, I’m the only one who can make this possible. I watched him closely at my brothers’ weddings. That moment when their fiances were given away by their own fathers; what was going through my father’s mind? Thinking about it now, does he ever dream that one day he’ll give me away too?
No.., I don’t think so. What father wants to give away his daughter more so to that mukora he sees sauntering next to his homestead, trying to get his daughter’s attention? Sigh.., I don’t know. And I can’t ask.
I remember that time my father spotted me with a guy right outside his fortress. Dad was driving in, and there I was just talking with a boy, but definitely so busted. I left my alleged boyfriend’ in a huff and dashed back into the house. I found dad in the living room with his paper. He sternly cleared his throat to halt my feet, put down the paper and said “If you want to get married, tell me in good time so I can stop saving up for your education.” Two weeks later, he found me a place in campus, in a land far far away from home.
But that was then. I’m done with my studies, at least under his bill. I’ve left his warm home to live like a renegade daughter. Now, my dad’s only way of admitting he misses me is by sending texts messages about a great job ad in the Nation. Lately though, he’s been convincing me to buy my own house. Perhaps he’s realized that his little rascal has no intention of being wifed, nor housed.
All things considered, I’m thankful that my father has not put any pressure on me to get married. That he hasn’t gone out of his way to marry me off to his best friend’s son or some rich, old geezer in adult diapers. What?! TIA (This is Africa) and ya’ll know shit like that still goes down in this country.
I’m grateful that my dad has been holding it down all along, getting his own. So far he doesn’t seem eager to see the money he spent on my education repaid to him in the form of dowry. I’m not his retirement plan nor his pension scheme – as some fathers have made of their married daughters. And it is for this simple reason that I celebrate my dad this Father’s Day!