And before I go any further, let me say this. I have noticed many of you cannot tell the difference between a “hangdown” and “hangover.” Allow me to clarify:-
Back to the blog.
Being the month when we celebrate fathers, it’s only right that we focus on Fatherhood. Fatherhood in relation to Spinsterhood, of course. By the way to understand the changes on this blog, see the blog monthly updates here.
So as you work on surgically removing your hangdown or nursing your hangover, here are 5 links worth checking out:-
BONUS READ ( Spinster Letters )
My parents see me as a failure because I’ve never married and I’m a 41 year old virgin. I didn’t plan on my life turning out this way. It’s my choice to not marry. I rather not marry anyone if I have to give up all the things I find important. Twice I was asked to get married but both of them wanted me to move away from ailing parents and a business I worked very hard to start. My parents have a son who have a family to take care of so I can’t go running off leaving my parents to fend for themselves. One man told me that’s why I’m a old maid because I didn’t want to live away from my parents. Both men only wanted me as their wives to take care of their children from other relationships. I don’t mind children but they take up alot of time, my time if the men had their way. I know to other people I’m an old maid but to me I’m a successful business women. Successful because I don’t mind being happy by myself, I don’t mind working for what I want. I guess deep down I don’t want a husband because I’ve turned two men away and don’t regret it. I’m having the best time in my life. I know what it means to be in my prime. - Doris 41, owner of dog grooming shop.
Preacher daughters weren’t supposed to be spinsters so I can relate to those women in the book Leather Spinsters whose families were embarassed by them. My father a baptist minister in Louisiana excludes me from certain functions because he could no longer make up any excuses on my behalf on why I don’t have a husband at my age. Deep down I think he thinks I’m gay which I’m not.
Now he sees me as a used up 45 year old menopausal woman who will need her family to take care of her in her old age. I don’t think my father will ever see me any different than that description. Of all of my accomplishments he will never see me as anything else but an unwanted woman.I’m an accountant with an office of 20 employees, president of a local business women association, volunteer accountant for two non-profit organizations, and a adoptive mother of three. And yet my father can’t see my contributions to society he can only see that I didn’t get married.
I don’t understand how a entire community of people can focus so narrowly on life and what it may mean to them. A woman can be all that she want to be without being someone’s wife. I’m used to my father’s rejection of my choosing to live without a husband but he isn’t. He’s from the old school that says God made women for specific purposes, wifely duties and motherhood are those purposes. I don’t buy that and didn’t buy it as a stubborn child and I won’t perpetuate that myth to my children.
I had to learn to live without family (blood) support and acknowledgement for so long it don’t hurt anymore. So when I hear women cry about feeling alone I can relate, I use to feel alone until I discovered that there were other leather spinsters. Now I have another family that accepts me and my adoptive children with real love. I’m thankful for God bringing these women into my life at a time when I really needed them. Gloria 45, Accountant.
Leather Spinsters Newsletter Volume No. 1 Issue No. 4 January 99 – http://leatherspinsters.com/january99.html