This page is for bloggers, whoever you are, whatever you write about. I have a deep respect for bloggers. When you blog, it means you’re not afraid to share your thoughts with the world no matter how funny, deep, sarcastic, straight-up, silly or plain.., you bare your thoughts stark naked and let the world interact with your mind. That takes courage. I salute you!
I think all strong women are averse to marriage on some level or other. Speaking for myself, I’m fiercely proud of my achievements and my identity, and it seems to diminish me in some sense to be downgraded into just being somebody’s wife. It makes me feel somehow less than I really am. Plus I haven’t seen any marriage that has made me envy or desire that union.
But I think we all get over the fear eventually – because that’s what it is. We’re afraid marriage will do us more harm than good. Still, with bio-clocks, annoying aunts, mothering instincts, people demanding grandkids what what, few of us get to forty without at least searching for a ring. Me, I change my mind about it every day, and I still have ten years to go.
Marriage is like primary school. We don’t consciously think about why we should [or shouldn't] do it. And even if we did, it wouldn’t necessarily stop us from going for it. I’m not sure I’m marriage material, and I’m doubtful that I’ll ever say I do, but I still know what I’m wearing on my wedding day. Lame, I know, but hey
I love your style of writing, very engaging and funny, i am definitely looking forward to your next article.
But i disagree with you on some levels….having been desperate to get married for a long time, and now blissfully married, i find that women who are not married, give themselves too many excuses about their state. The truth of the matter is, you maybe havent found the right man yet…..
In a marriage that a woman can thrive on, they are not subservient to their man, but submissive to his headship of the family… demure in the way they treat him, deferrent in knowing that despite being 100% right there is still a possibility of being wrong.
being a wife and a mother does not make you less of who you are , its
A duck cannot succeed at being a dog. A horse cannot succeed at being a chicken. And a woman will never succeed at being a man. The more women resist in accepting that which is natural to them, the more they will be weakened, stressed, depressed, and die.
the trouble with spinsters i find is that they try too hard to prove that they are okay just being single, if you truly where okay being single, then you wouldnt need a blog about it…..
its not a bad thing to be single, you may find marriage not to be your forte, but what i dislike is assuming that because others are married then they only desire to have their legs wide open and pop babies.. marriage doesnt diminish you , infact a good marriage makes you even more pronounced on your capabilities, purpose
Hey Angie, thanks for reading.
There’s a misconception you and others like you have of Spinsters that I thought my first post would clear. But let me reiterate it. It’s not that we are trying to prove a point, whatever that point may be. We are just happy being on our own. We are not weakened, stressed, depressed, or near death. We live and breath life. We contribute to society as much or much more than married women do. A good example is Oprah.
Angie, Spinsterhood is a choice, not a curse or an abomination.
Another thing, marriage is much more than Mr. Right. It’s a responsibility. A lot of work goes into it. I for example, do not see how I can balance it all out – wife, mother, work and the pursuit of happiness without giving up at least one thing. I want to make difference in this world, but a thorough assessment of myself vis-a-vis marriage shows that I cannot be able to do that in the confines of a marriage.
I bet I’m not the only one – hence this blog.
Angie-The difference between you and some other married women is that you were desperate to be married. For a long time. Not every woman is! True, in many cases people are single not out of choice but because they haven’t met the right person. Pia being a spinster does not mean one will never get married. Sometimes it means they choose not to fret about it, or are not desperate about it, like you were. Good choice if you ask me.
Ultimately, I don’t see why marriage or lack of it should be the single defining thing in each woman. We are all too different to be put into two kiondos.
Now Nittzsah, I think marriage is not necessarily equal to a lost career nor is spinsterhood synonymous with a fantastic career life-I’ve seen several permutations of both.
Me, I plan to have a great career and great marriage-The Man is supportive, so help me God.
You dont have to know Nittzsah personally to hear her powerful voice resonate in her writings. Her bare-knuckle, no-holds-barred, in-your-face, poke-in-your-eye-with-the-truth approach had already made her a household name on Diasporadical.com.
Nittzsah is the full embodiment of a “Soul Spinster”. She is a self-made, multi-talented media executive who is passionate about sharing her experiences and encouraging both men and women to look at the institution of marriage more critically and pragmatically than ever before.
In a rapidly evolving African setting that is desperately clinging on to antiquated gender roles and social beliefs, Nittzsah’s Soul Spinister aims to provide a platform that will allow for much needed discussion and dialogue on a wide range of issues touching on the interactions between women and men including: workplace relations, dating/courtship dynamics, the effects of patriarchal politico-social structures, sex and sexuality, religious biases, ethnic and cultural identities, the economics of marriage and many more.
Nittzsah doesn’t claim to be a shrink or a psychoanalyst of any kind but she is wise beyond her years and knows how to get her point across so I have a feeling you may want to tune in and read what she has to say.
What can one say about Nittzsah that hasn’t already been said about most revolutions?
I learned very early on that whether or not you agree with her, you have to respect her insight. It’s never reeled from a shallow pool and seldom served in an unpalatable manner.
Her stance may be controversial to some, appealing to others, but I urge you all to focus on the spirit of inquisitive independence. That ability to ask ‘Why?’ or ‘Why not?’ when you feel the system is filing you down to size. We are all individuals and if we can’t define ourselves as such, we’ll fail to contribute to any unit fully.
Her pen is magic. Her tongue is sharp. Her head is shiny from bald-awesomeness and housing in brilliance.
Reader, read.
Love the blog so far, Nittz.
#KeepRocking
It’s high time a spinster told her story!
It is written in amazing manner that’s easy to connect with. It’s a must read for people who want to understand how an African Woman pursues life on her own in a very “family oriented” society.
Keep it up! =)
As I quote from one of your responses.. “Spinsterhood is a choice, not a curse or an abomination…” Simple and true..
Keep up the excellent work
You gotta love this mami. Super talented writer. I hope one day to get a chance to chokora that mind senseless.
Sigh..
This blog elicits different kind of responses from me.
I’m fiercely independent; I handle my own business, take care of myself, make my own decisions. Recently I decided that I want to travel and already have an itinerary (cash permitting) of where I want to go each year for the next couple of years. I want to live in different countries experience different cultures. I want to spend lots of time writing and reading as much as possible. All these things I want to do for myself and I guess choosing to be a spinster will make it a lot easier cos I wont have to worry about being accountable to anyone.
But I also want to get married and have kids. Especially kids. I have valid and not so logical reasons for wanting to do this. I might find a man who would want the same things as I do, but when the kids come, it wont make sense to be traipsing all over. So I’m torn really, where do I stand?
I love your writing, even when I don’t agree with you, your point of view is clear. Keep up the good work.
Witty. unShy…
This is a great blog. I don’t necessarily agree with everything but I sure enjoy reading her posts.
We are all individuals in this world.
I have personally found marriage to be a wonderful thing and I can sometimes (with good intentions) ‘nudge’ my friends into getting married.
I don’t mean to be pushy, I want something good for them
But I also believe that everyone is free (or should be free) to choose their own path and find happiness.
Happiness has nothing to do with where you are. You decide to be happy whether single or married or whatever.
It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker recently wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than one thousand of them. Not long ago, I had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In our discussion, we spoke about ten things guys wish women knew about men.I think you’ll find these ten things fascinating! Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you’ll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place!
Rest of the post below :
http://www.relationshipextra.com/2012/02/07/10-things-guys-wish-women-knew-about-men/
I disagree with some of your views but you do have a clear and valid way of arguing it out. Respect.